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For an unmarried man to have sex with an unmarried woman was to make an even more binding commitment than normal marriage. I would rather be a daughter in the house of the Lord than anywhere else, when I consider the wonderful access I have to him and the special place I have in his heart because I have not willfully followed my own pursuits but his. They are still desiring marriage, and desiring a spouse, but they are not sitting on their hands until they get one.
What of our emotional desires? It does not cause disease. Sex has turned into such a rule-laden activity that I think even people who are acting within the confines all of these various stipulations are made to be afraid of enjoying themselves too much.
Get Desiring God in Your Inbox - Many great men and women who have walked before us have chosen to give up families, homes, material goods, reputations and the pleasures of this world.
We just romanticize and emotionalize it a bit more. Romance novels are an emotional stimulus that has an end result similar to porn; so do Cosmo and Glamor magazines. This is because emotional and intellectual connection are generally more of what turn women on. As a woman who was in her own home at a very young age, I have struggled a lot with and guilt that my mind fantasizes about my current Christian boyfriend. Long before I met my boyfriend, I went to for years because of the abuse and now am a mental health professional. Yet, I know from my professional background that in spite of all my healing, there are just some changes in my brain and my chemistry from childhood that just make me a more sexual person than I otherwise would have been. I was and just spoke to my boyfriend about my sexual feelings fantasies and he told me he has similar fantasies. We prayed together that God would help us remain in control of ourselves and our sexual urges because we want to save sex for marriage. We also set up rules for ourselves that would keep us from getting into situations that would give us means and opportunity because the motive — — is there. When a learns over time to trust a man that is willing to work with her for the sake of putting Christ first in the relationship e. For Christian single women, when we deeply connect with a man on other levels emotional, intellectual, spiritual we feel a strong need our own yearning and obligation to please to reciprocate, sexually. Our temptation is to remember how much we women romanticize from a man and validate the love we are already feeling from him. As leaders, Christian men can reassure us of their love, commitment, and devotion that will not fade when we choose not to go all the way during temptation. God bless all you men who care enough about your relationships with women and with Christ to read this feminine perspective. I hope I have helped you see a little more into what women need and that you can be the best men God intended you to be. Related Articles: I can definitely relate to and agree with this story on sexual feelings. I know that putting God first is the most important thing I can do and maybe this is a test so that He can teach me to lean on him for the answers in my life instead of my own understanding. I welcome any wise replies. I am recently with a guy who I am also not sure of. We have broken up several times too. He is a really nice guy and loves the Lord. He has also proven to me that he loves me and respects me alot. I know we should wait unto we are married but it is really hard. Especially I that I have not had sex yet. If you get this comment please feel free to write to me. All things are possible through God. When he comes into your life and takes control he will remove all those sexual desires from your heart. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and when we started dating we were having sex. In just a year God has changed that for me. I have always wanted to do what was right but it was Hard. So i prayed and i prayed and i just let God have his way in my life. Since he came in, he has removed all sexual desires from me. I thought it was just amazing to see how he works. It is something when someone tells you about his works, but when you can see it firsthand it really makes a difference. Now my bf, on the other hand is not on the same spiritual level that i am on. He says that he understands but he still continues to ask me for sex. He begged and pleaded and said that he understood and i gave him another chance and he is already getting back on my bad side. But i am being strong for ME! So much for him………………! I want you to really pray and ask God for strength so that you can overcome this sex thing. Take it one step at a time and believe in The Lord and yourself. You CAN DO IT!!! HE tells us in the word that he will give us our heart desires, so if your heart desires to wait for sex until marriage, pray for it and watch him work. Am a guy and most of the time we think its only the guys who fantasize about sex in the relationship. What ladies dont know is that guys are also inundated with severe guilt once they have sex otuside marriage. Regret sets in and they begin avoiding the girl. God has called us all to purity. If you value something, you will protect it and take good care of it. Some time back i always used to look at women from a sexual perspective. This completely changed my perspective of women. A precious gift that will last a lifetime. Dont ruin the party before time. God bless you all. In regard to sexual feelings, I think that the idea that we are just to pray that sexual desire should go away is not quite the biblical approach. The bible has two solutions….. Mortification implies not that the desire just goes away. I might as well pray that the desire for food will go away, and if your desire has truly gone away, then there is perhaps something physically malfunctioning, because God made that part of us, and He made it to work. But mortification implies that I still have the desire, and so have to PUT IT TO DEATH…. I totally understand about failing in this area. Back in 2003 I failed in this area on three occasions during a months time. But there are many verses which speak of how we will not inherit the kingdom of God if we live in fornication, ICor. It was shortly after that that God gave me true repentance, which I have walked in ever since, despite having pushed some of the borders of chastity in times of weakness. But even that eventually went by the way-side. Rather than think that we can get our desires to go away, I am proposing that the bible solution is to have to constantly put them to death… to be yielded to the Holy Spirit who gives us life and power to DIE, and say NO to sin, as impossible as that can seem in ourselves. I hope this is a blessing to the believers here. Yes, single folks have sexual desires, and here is a way to deal with them;Thank God for showing you that you have desires for a mate that He will introduce you to,, but as Him to quiet them down or put them to sleep until you are married. These desires will wake up from time to time but you can overcome them with the same request, and by keeping your focus on God. This is bringing the flesh under subjection. What do you think will happen when you get married and you have no real desire for your mate? Can you say NOTHING? Thank You God for the sexual feelings that let me know that I have feelings and desires for my mate, and am desired by him whenever he comes into my life. In Jesus name i pray. I too was abused as a child and the bio chemical reaction my body and mind has when it comes to sex is amazingly different. It tries to bring balance to the trauma I suffered through the sexual experience. All the intense feelings God created for me to have are used to try and heal me also. I also believe its important to discuss these particulars when getting involved in a relationship. This tends to take the pressure off the. When are we christians going to tell the truth about the issues with sex. Yes I know that the word states you are to wait until marriage befor sex. This senseless preaching about holding out is waste of time. We need ton be teaching our kids that it is okay to marry at 21 if you have a chance to. Sex is a natural thing and the desires we have are real. It will come out! I too was raped as a teenager, when it cmes to sex. I have always thrown myself to men so cheaply, and become wounded and hurt after the act. Now as a christain, I am much better, I know Christ took away my pain and shame. I believe sex between couples should be after marriage. It is worthwhile waiting even when is not so pleasant to wait. And by that same Grace, I have maintained virginity as a Christian woman. I was glad to read the prospective of other Christian singles that agree that our desires are a gift from the Lord. Also that they ought to be completely denied before the time is right to fulfill them within the protection of marriage. I think of God as a manufacturer who equips us physically with all that we need for our mate when we come into this world. Our character has to be built up in the mean time and so we must learn to deny the feelings that are reserved for our mate. In doing so, we are able to give them everything they deserve and vice-versa sp? In the fact that those sexual desires do not just go away. I had to stop reading christian, yes christian, romance novels because I could no longer keep my thoughts pure. And for the amount of time that I have been waiting it is harder and harder to say no because I want to give in. I want to experience what other married couples are experiencing. We have to be real with each other and stop slapping the perfect christian answer bandaid on the issue. Its a daily walk that we should take with eachother and not be afraid to ask the hard questions and be willing to not judge because of their struggle but to walk along side of them and encourage them and love on them. I also agree that in whatever relationship you are in you should have the sex boundary talk and stick to them. Because for me when I feel comfortable and safe around someone I let my guard down and it is really easy to go there without having an internal alarm go off to stop me. Romans 12:2 NIV hope that helps. I was born out of wedlock and I faced challenges for what was not my fault until I was prayed for in church. Though am single i believe God that the man is on the way besides I have submitted my body to the holyspirit to help to avoid sexual temptations so any time I face such an issue he give me the strength to stay away. I admit i hav strng sexual desires esp durin my ovulatn. Sexual desire is normal n nt devilish,i agree wit Rom 12:2. Lets focus on the crown of life 4 our God is faithful. It does not mean that you can not come across with temptations, what you need to do is pray to God and ask the Holy Spirit to show the tactics satan uses, for example satan may use a very beautiful lady to come to you, and definitely she will flirt to you leading to sex. Let me be clear, I am not saying that normal talk between men and women should be avoided. But, the Holy Spirit will guide you and sometimes tell you that satan is using the lady to get you trapped. Generally, when you see a lady may depend on how she appears you can show appreciation in your heart, it is like the way you can say some one has got a nice car, but it does not mean that you want it. It will be a sin if on your mind you strip someone necked and take her to bed, that is sin. And sex before marriage, it is sin. Please, wait until God gives you the right partner and through prayers you can stay for years and abstain from sex. May God Bless you. I am in my mid-thirties now and have been involved in it since my teens. It ranges from struggling with it multiple times weekly to one period when I did not do it for 10 months! When things are hidden in the dark they cannot be properly addressed, but when things are exposed by the light there is no hiding. I recently started dating several months ago a wonderful Christian girl with a heart of gold. When we got to a certain point in our relationship I felt that this issue had to be out in the open. While she was shocked at first, she quickly affirmed her support for me to get over this. Guys I encourage you to be open with your partners. They may get angry at first, but if you are genuinely willing to work towards a porn-free life, they should be supportive of this. Ladies, if he is genuine about quitting, show your support, he needs your help. I am in a relationship. I would kill to be single because if there is no one in your life, the temptation is less. Sometimes i wish i could break up with my boyfriend but then i dont know how. We are intimate, and it really kills me because of the guilt. I wish that i could be a single lady. Once there is a guy in your life the pressure will be too much. It is easier not to be tempted when you are not in a relationship but since you are I will pray that God gives you the wisdom and strength to do what is right. Please pray to God also for this same wisdom and strength. Your Sister in Christ. Thank you all for this article and comments — they helped me because it was only today that I wondered if my occasional sexual desires were OK. I also thought it was so until yesterday. One guy from my university was wearing very tight jeans and a tight T-shirt and this caused a new battle inside of me… So, guys, be careful with your clothes, too! Be graceful towards us your sisters! May God support you in your inner struggles! Sexual feelings getting the best of you, drop to your knees and pray. I know so many women that have outright sexual needs and even look at porn and also ojectify the men. Women have the same problems that men do about desire but churches hold on to all the old myths about women. This needs to be addressed because so many women have the same exact problems men so. Women are visual also and have this same issue as men. A healthy woman does not romanitze sex,a neurotic one does. We are all from Earth,no more Mars and Venus because that is a pop psychology lie. Also this thing about women not being visual is nonsense too. Faye, it is such a sad truth that even to this day, sexual desire is thought to be a predominantly male trait amongst many church leaders-especially talks coming from happily married men, which is incredibly frustrating sometimes. No longer am I waiting so that I can have a family, but now I am waiting for someone to grow old with. Due to abuse when I was younger, I went until I was 40 years old with not an ounce of sexual drive or need for the opposite sex, other then my wanting and praying for my soul mate. Yes I did have a physical need, but not an attraction for a man or any other for that mater, therefore I will not explain further, other then to say I self contained. When I turned 38, realizing that God intended me to be alone all my life, I spent 24 years in growing with God and attempting to suppress natural physical urges. It was not easy and I was not always successful. When I turned 62, that all came to an end and I developed feelings that are totally natural and normal and directed toward the opposite sex. When this happened I began to look for the mate that God would provide for me to grow old with. I had 3 stipulations. He had to be a widower, never yet married, or divorced because she cheated on him. He had to be a Christian. He had to respect my wishes for no sex before marriage. It does not matter. I have such a mental hangup on this point that I have developed a problem called vaginismus. Google it A very real problem as it seems that from my youth and trouble there, and now with my desire to remain chaste until marriage, my mind is blocking any possibility for sex before marriage. Yes it is treatable, but will require my partners help… and for me meaning husband… and I ask you, what man in his right mind would marry a woman who needs help in that department, much less in the 50+ age group. I am lonely and I have with… and will be a very lonely old woman. In reality women think about it the same way men do but feel uncomfortable telling anyone about this. In chatts online the Christian males are always whining about women not being dressed modestly enough,but men should be modest too! This just frustrates me to no end! Yes we hear those stories about how God just brought these two eternally happy people together. Christians should be actively searching for a partner as well as improving strategies to make the search most effective. God gave us the ability to think, act and to be shrewd in so doing- use it. Before I was saved I was a sex addict, having been abused in childhood I was constantly handing myself over to men and women trying to fix the hurt I felt. Even after becoming saved I fell many times over this temptation, which is how I became a single mother. I came to learn that it is this guilt, not necessarily the sin itself, that puts the wedge between myself and God. This helped me to realize that I was looking at the situation all wrong. As Charles stated, the urge is natural and most likely will never leave. Are we turning to this temptation because we are lonely? Are we angry at God for not taking the desire from us? Turn to God, ask Him to show you where you have been putting something else before Him, because in the end that is the root of all sin. I have noticed that when I strive to make God my number one focus, the temptation fades and loses its sting. Everyone else will tell you that sex is the cure, the answer, the new way, that the Bible is outdated. God created us, He created our sex drives, and He knows what they are there for. Wrestle with Him over it, question Him, but most of all seek Him first and everything else will follow. I am so not perfect, this is almost a daily fiery battle for me lol, but His grace is sufficient and it helps me remember how much I need Him.
Sex Before Marriage
All they have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride. Sexual intercourse is meant to be experienced only within the context of a one-man, one-woman married union. HOW is godly servile sexuality lived out. Yet, when you stop to analyze it and who does. The bottom line here. This is because emotional and intellectual connection are generally more of what turn women on. These brothers and sisters are his kingdom community for you on u that he gives to teach, counsel, comfort, guide, and love you Hebrews 3:12, 13; 10:24, 25. Firstly, how on earth is this possible, as by nature sexual desire if not a pure desire out of love for another person, is lust…in other words, to have pure and holy sex it must be only out of social for your spouse. Then after my divorce, being in a happy relationship where not only was the relationship was great but so was the sex, I was afraid that I was going against my Christian beliefs because I enjoyed what was going on in the bedroom. If one day you met them having noisy, wild sex, would it surprise you?.
